This is an advice column from UPost. We take in advice from anything relating to school to friends and to existential crises. Don’t worry, this is completely anonymous so send in whatever you want (but inappropriate messages will be deleted). Thanks, Hank
By Maddie Sersic
Dreams are fascinating. Not the kind that we reminisce in the morning after we wake, but the kind that we can live. The type of dreams that are consistently paired with the words hope and want. These dreams that we aspire to and change our life around seem so important and relevant in the moment. Sometimes we replace the pairings of hope and want with happiness, esteem, and destiny. But what happens when those dreams change or become less relevant? What happens when for so long we tied in not only words but feelings of happiness, esteem, and destiny to our dreams and life goals?
Life changes and sometimes uncomfortable or even painful events can occur when you least expect. Once we realize that we have absolutely no control over life or destined change we become happier people. What we can do as individuals is to care and to love. When things go wrong or change it is so easy to believe that we can “fix the situation” or “fix them” or “fix it;” but whatever we want to fix probably doesn’t need “fixing” at all. What a person who is going through change or hurt needs is empathy and support. Leaning into even the deepest pain or uncomfortable situations can bring unexpected rewards.
As a teenager and person who hates change I can say from personal experience that I used to avoid leaning into uncomfortable situations or pain. I tied and sometimes still tie emotions such as happiness, esteem, and confidence to my goals and dreams. But then came the growing pains — we have all had them. That uncomfortable time in your life that occurs, maybe even multiple times of complete random transformation.
The way we think, speak, love, and act changes. Maybe something made you wake up or learn or maybe you found yourself no longer wanting the same things as before, maybe you could no longer find happiness. Maybe you even convinced yourself that happiness could only be achieved through meeting your dreams and reaching the goals you had previously set. Whatever the situation; getting deferred from the college of your first choice, rejected by someone you care about, or realizing that your dreams are far-fetched, we become saddened or maybe even depressed. Why? Because all of our lives we were taught to kiss temporary lips with permanence. However, the reality of it all is that our lives are orbs of never ending change that spin us around and around, never failing to surprise.
Everything is temporary. We can enjoy it in the moment, do our best to live up to it, be impassioned; but at the end of the day we must remember that happiness is not tied to one dream or one life event. What’s scariest is that happiness only comes from inside of you. Wherever you may be reading my stream of conscious, late night ramble; at whatever point of life you are in and whatever loss of dream or change you are going through, please remember my words. Happiness does not equal success, it is ok for dreams to change, lean into uncomfortable situations, and we can never “fix” people. Above all, do not kiss temporary lips with permanence.