Ode to the Leprechaun

By Jordan McQuiston

 

Top of the [insert time you are reading this here] to ya! I’d like to tell you about my biggest guilty pleasure as far as media is concerned. It’s a “horror” series in which a leprechaun kills people in various ways in various locations. These movies are awful. Truly awful. And I love them for it. So for St. Patrick’s Day, I’m going to tell you what happens in these movies…through limericks. 

There once was a bad leprechaun

Who discovered that his gold was gone

So he went to a farm

And he dealt out some harm

To pre-Friends Jennifer Aniston

This first movie is not my first pick

For the pace of the plot isn’t quick

Though the parts that I like

Are him riding a trike

And him killing with a pogo stick

Though it seemed that leprechaun had died

The second movie shows him decide

That it must come to pass

That a teenager lass

Would do well for his leprechaun bride

But the story is not over yet

For the third film says his coins would let

Mortals have what they wished

So the leprechaun dished

Out some murder in Vegas, you bet

The fourth movie must take my first place

As the leprechaun goes into space

Where he causes great pain

And he mimics John Wayne

And he flattens some dumb lackey’s face

Though this saga was so bad it’s good

By number five I felt that it should

Have quit while it’s ahead

But now people are dead

By a leprechaun’s hand in the hood.

Then Leprechaun: Back to Da Hood tries

To repeat the last film but it dies

The series had diminished

And I never finished

This one so I apologize

There once was a series so bad

That it made me so wonderfully glad

That it caused me to get

The six movie boxset

Which diminished the money I had

Which is sad.

That’s true, by the way. I own all six of the original movies. There’s a reboot as well, but I haven’t seen it and I don’t own it so if anyone wants to give me a graduation present, you now know what to get me. Kidding. Mostly. If you ever want to watch any of these terribly wonderful movies, I will gladly lend you my copy so long as I get it back. Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

 

Image: http://www.mendozapost.com/nota/53386-filmaron-a-un-supuesto-duende-en-mendoza/